Reasoning

As I sit and breathe in deeply, enjoying the moment of freedom away from overwhelming clinical data, information, books, medical treatments, signs and symptoms, the list goes on and on and on...I am reminded of last year this time being in Sri Lanka, contacting international organizations and visiting fellow believers in Churches in poorer areas of the country.

It's no surprise that this season has become about giving and receiving, which brought back memories of children in Sri Lanka, who were so excited to get gifts of school books, pencils, lunch boxes, and cups for Christmas! My heart breaks when I see a list of Sketchers sneakers, Polo shirt, X-Box 360, Wii something or the other and all I can remember are the vivid images of little ones smiling with great joy over their presents of handkerchiefs and chocolate.

Oh well, whatever your reason may be, Christmas is a joyous season. I do enjoy the ambience of the lights, trees, and merry songs, yet what makes me smile is the knowledge of my hope and faith in a God who loves me and you so much that He sent His one and only Son to live among us in flesh. The greatest sacrifice, to give us a hope and an everyday joyous life.

A child's happiness and joy captured as they open that gift with a shout and laugh that jumps out from their very depths, is probably what God intended for us to experience every single day of our life.

Although times may be rough or you may not have all that you want or need, it's really not about that, life is never really about stuff. Putting my contentment and belief in stuff or success will lead me nowhere. I would rather believe in something much bigger than I am, so much bigger that I can surely know that whatever comes my way, I have a deeper peace and joy that can not be shaken nor does it last for just a season.

Merry Christmas, God loves you a lot!

Remember

The wind whipped around, seemingly circling the valley carefully, as if planning an attack. He tried to keep steady, straightening his shoulders and pushing forward against the wind. His foot slipped slightly away from the path. It felt as if pushing against a wall; walking through this valley. All he knew was that somehow he had to keep going on. The sun was going down, the mountaintops barely visible in the fading light. Hands closely crossed together over worn out clothes shaking violently, his eyes dejectedly swept over the dirty ground. He then felt himself being knocked onto his side by the raging blows of the wind. Was there maybe an escape path he could take?

A long and lonely road lay ahead, stretching out as far as his eye could see. Rejection swept over him swallowing up his worn out body. Was there hope somewhere down that road? Was there a possibility or a chance or a glimmer of the reality of a dream that once was? Too hard, too hard it was to understand, to comprehend or imagine what lay ahead. 

“Oh remember! Please, dear God, help me remember, those words, those words I heard so long ago. Something about this…what was it I so quickly forgot? Breathe, just breathe, I hear it now, a quiet whisper in this raging wind. My ears are ever so tuned, vigilantly seeking out that sound, that stirring. That, that which brought me so far, a beauty I could not resist, words that quenched my soul. Power so overwhelming, I ran, ran towards its source. I remember now.” A look full of far away happy memories flooded his face, creating a change if ever so slight. Remember. So simple to forget, too easy to let the dreary years of wandering and crashing wind try to break his spirit down. Like a sudden burst of water from a spring gushing out of nowhere in that forsaken wasteland, his eyes lit up. Words long forgotten now came rushing to his memory. Around him raged the wind but something changed; now the battle began. A warrior returned, his shield and weapons poised for victory. 

Insight to Hope

The words of hope caress the heart with whispers of love. 

The promises of the past hold hope for the future. 

Longing for peace to fill her heart to find contentment in what she is. 

Will it ever be? 

Is it an idealistic view that she holds onto? 

Is it the hope of a simpleton that she clings so dearly to? 

The puzzle is too big. 

It is too wide for her eyes to behold. 

Her life is unfolding into something she cannot understand. 

It is in the moment that she wants to live in but yet in the future that she wants to be. 

A step forward is taken with carelessness but yet with such fearfulness it appears as if it were done with caution. 

Is it herself that holds her back from the dreams that live within her now? 

Or is it careful patience that directs her footsteps into the places she is to go? 

How can she know until she has reached a destination? 

It is with patience she hopes? 

Yet she wonders if it is patience that holds her back. 

Is it a dream or a hope of a dream that is inside of her?

Are there any others walking on this same path in this way? 

Or is it a lonely road to which she takes? 

Only Truth will direct her. 

Only love will be beside her. 

Only passion will drive her. 

Only desire will pursue her. 

Only faith will save her.

The people are calling out to her from the depths of her heart. Her land is drawing her in. 

There is a chasm between her and her calling. 

She is looking for the bridge. 

She sees that there is a path, a path so faded that it is barely visible. 

It is the quiet whispers that guide her. 

It is a silent breath of wind that she feels around her. 

It seems as if strength is seeping right into the very depths of her bones, embracing her every cell. 

This wind of strength is what keeps her on this path. 

It seems as if someone has gone before her through this very same way to foresee the danger so that she can be prepared. 

It is a weapon for her to use this strength that consumes her. 

It is not her own. 

No it cannot be hers for she is just a mere child with ideas and words too big for even her to ingest.
Allowing this wind to direct she takes that first step onto the well trodden path that is unfamiliar.
Within her emotions rise and swell like the storming ocean. 

There is only a light at her feet so each step is gingerly taken one at a time. 

She knows it is the wind that has already known the way as it has gone through, above and beyond her knowledge of the way. 

It swirls all around her changing directions but never deterring away from the path.

She cries out to help. 

She sees the need of so many all around her. 

Her heart can barely hold the cries within. 

Where is she going? 

What is she doing? 

Is she on the right path? 

It is hard to keep listening to the quiet murmur of the wind. 

It whips around her with whispers of direction only her heart can understand, the barely audible passages of a secret knowledge. 

It is with a hand that is outstretched for someone greater to take hold of that she is able to struggle back onto her feet to put forth another step onto that path of her destiny. 

It is with a deeper courage and hope within of seeing her truth that she is able to survive with another breath of life. 

All around her are words. 

Words of hope, mockery, strength, pain, hurt, love, guidance, comfort, and life constantly around her. Guiding her, strengthening her, and building her slowly into what the wind wants. 

It directs but she chooses. 

It is with choice her life takes turns along the path hopefully never deterring away from where the wind directs.

Glimpses into Reality

Saturday December 5th, 2009

Inhaling Life

Life is uncertain and unpredictable. In a moment life can change. Why is it we miss what we do not have and take ‘it’ for granted until we lose ‘it’ (whatever ‘it’ may be for you)? Sometimes coming to places where ‘things’ are not as easily accessible, what takes a second in another place takes an extraordinary effort to do in another, and ‘things’ are things not so important as it is to another. Daily I’m hit with reality in my own life and in the life of others. I see how a poor boy that grew up in an unstable home is now working hard to earn a little for his young wife by working on odd jobs. I see a hospital full of people, young and old coming in with various diseases, all dependant on human wisdom. I see a world of poor and rich, ethnicities, people, struggles, simple joy, extreme hope, revolving round and round; an unstable force heading nowhere in universe too far and too wide. Sometimes life seems unbelievably crazy but amidst the absurd and under the surface of the extremes lies a meaning, a purpose, a life meant to reveal a plan and beauty.  It is not simple, not easy to understand, illogical at times but if you look hard enough you might just see something precious and breathtaking; the very essence of life. What you look for you will find. I hope you see God’s faithfulness, His power, His peace, His strength, His love, and the beauty and gift of being alive if even only for an instant. Today I was at a hospital and saw mothers and fathers holding and carrying their small children, some barely one month old, their palms firmly held the little one’s head and in their arms the child lay quietly and still. How precious we say life is when a baby is born, its first breath a miracle, isn’t that how we should view our whole lives? We are here on earth but for an ‘instant’ whether that instant be a second or a hundred years, we breathe a breath of life, experience and love. Today I became grateful again for this life God has given me, though I may still have a lot more to ‘attain’ and maybe I have to face challenges I would rather live without, I remain grateful for this breath I breathe. 

Friday December 4th, 2009

Belong

Here in Sri Lanka there is one thing that makes this country feel like home, a sense of community. No matter who you are, where you are the sense of belonging and family draws the best out of and strengthens each of us. This is what I love about this island of Sri Lanka the hospitality, homey feeling, and family connectedness you are surrounded with. Here no man is an island.  

Wednesday December 2nd, 2009

Growing Up

Yesterday was a Poya Day (Full moon day), a national holiday in Sri Lanka and each month people know and sometimes look forward to that extra day off during the full moon. The significance of this day eludes me right now but I was told that about 30 years ago or less this day and the day before the full moon, otherwise known as pre-poya, would be the Saturday and Sunday of the work week. Only when living in a culture do you get to fully experience the nuances of speech, thought, ways, character, the history and uniqueness which makes a country its own.  I feel as though I am writing as if I have never lived here before but I am making a conscious effort to look at my home country with new, appreciate, thoughtful, and expectant eyes. I want to learn what I may have missed as a young girl growing up a teenager here in Sri Lanka focused on trying to educate and figure out myself. Figuring out myself will take a lifetime so I have now learned, thus I set out to just enjoy this life long education and experience the adventure of learning.

This morning or I should say wee hours of the day I was up sniffling and sneezing because the previous day I helped clean and dust the house looking through old albums and trying to help my mother organize this house of memories. I always end up with a fit of sniffles and sneezes because of the dust, fumes, smoke and what not in the air even from just traveling through the city, which is also another factor to why I am in the condition I am now. Anyways, life goes on. 

Everything in life is a learning experience even in performing the most mundane tasks can teach a lesson on living. Taking on this challenge of organizing a health project has been a huge learning experience, after speaking with some people I have come to an idea of doing a simple first project for children who are in need. Working with people, locating people, helping people, speaking with people, everything you do is something you have to do together with others, participation and unification. We need others. Simple yet a difficult task because though we are alike we are not the exact same. It takes a visionary to bring individuals together.

Sunday November 27th, 2009

Imaginable

Woke up today to the water tank not working therefore washing up for Church is a tad delayed! Saturday I spent hours going through and researching nutritional and sanitation educational materials for children, which is needed for the project. After searching I ended up having to draw out some pictures myself and designing a small poster with a child covering her face with a tissue, and another coughing with his mouth wide open and in Sinhala writing ‘Cover your mouth’. Also had to draw up a little house and some open coconut shells and yogurt cups left out in the rain and then a little boy throwing those things in the trash (To make them aware about mosquitoes breeding in stagnant waters).  I am also trying to get a short skit together; it’s more like an expressive lecture to teach the kids to cough into their handkerchiefs (here everyone still uses handkerchiefs, the little pre-school children have their handkerchiefs pinned to their tops, it’s cute.) Basic and simple knowledge but it’s a start.

On Friday my mom’s gum suddenly swelled up and we had to go to a dentist immediately (thankfully she’s ok but has to go in for a root canal in a week). We ended up going to this Christian hospital they have here in Sri Lanka because the other places we called needed appointments. The amazing part of going there is that they don’t charge much for the patients because they want to offer services for those who can not afford proper healthcare. The place was clean, nice, and up-to-date. Those working there freely donate their time and care. (It really is amazing to see how much people give of themselves and serve Since there is a lot of need in the north-east region of this nation; doctors, specialists, and various aid workers are there helping those in need. Even if some of those helping are being compensated, it takes an extraordinary person to go and give their lives to live in conditions which are not ideal.)

We went to the hospital and while sitting in the waiting room, next to us sat this cute small thin little boy dressed in a school uniform, which is a white shirt and blue shorts, dark green backpack still on his back; his head closely shaved and his big black eyes smiled up at us. He was quietly and patiently waiting for his family, kicking his legs back and forth and playing with a tiny piece of scrunched up paper. He showed us his artwork of a colorful home and design. Kids, they are so funny and manage to keep themselves entertained to no end with ever so little at hand and a great amount of imagination.

As we grow older we sometimes lose that ability to imagine and dream. Certain events in our lives though, bring about those child like qualities in which we dare to dream of future, love and hope without a care in this world! Everyday we should dare to dream and seek God’s wisdom for His will and way. Believing in a hope, love, and faith no man can comprehend seems foolish to some but when seeking greater things of God you are putting your faith in the unseen, the unknown, not what your mind can logically analyze. Though we have so little at hand we put our faith, hope and trust in something greater than anything we can imagine.