Can
I get personal here for a moment? Hmmm…it’s the internet and I probably
shouldn’t. I read this quote by Matt Chandler recently:
I
know it seems really strange to some folks that some of us have remained single
ALLL these years. They wonder what in the world is wrong with us…or whisper in
other circles about how something is wrong with us. They may just chalk it up
to eh…she/he is just too picky and thinks too much about themselves to settle
for someone reasonable. Sometimes to be honest I wonder if something is wrong
with me too. I wonder why I’ve been single for so long. I wonder why I gave up
my 20’s to be so focused on getting one degree after another. I wonder if maybe
I missed out on something…or missed out on meeting ‘the’ someone. Well…I don’t
think so. To be perfectly honest there isn’t one day being single that I would
give up. I have learned so much, grown so much and learned to believe so much
more not just in myself but in my Christian faith. I’m glad I haven’t had to
gain my confidence by my connection to some guy and like some girls have
to have a continual string of guys because they can’t learn to live on their
own. Or enjoy just being themselves by themselves. Anyways, I know 100% that
whoever I’m ‘waiting’ for to marry (if I ever get the chance [to marry]) is
going to be imperfect just like me. He will not complete me. He will probably
at times irritate me. No matter, the daily decision to be content and enjoy my
singleness is worth the realization that although I could fall in love with
anyone. I would rather fall in love with someone who will challenge me to live
for God even more.It’s not an easy decision;
it’s a daily decision.
Hustling, poring over lab values, oxygen saturations and vitals, checking new serology and pathology results. Rushing from floor to floor. Listening and observing changes in facial expressions, demeanor, progressions as well as deteriorations in health. Knowing the expectations of your limitations. Dealing with sorrow, joy, anger, frustrations, intimidation, achingly hopeful optimisms with juxtaposed dreading realism. Looking in the faces of life and death.
In the midst of the hustle and bustle of hospital life a conversation with an aging artist by trade brings things back into focus. “Thank you for taking the time to chat with me, I know how busy you must be,” he says cheerfully, as he lays in the disenchanting hospital room. “I enjoy chatting with you,” I reply as I think to myself, ‘taking time to converse with patients is my job, right?’ He then thanks me for being part of a great hospital staff before rattling off a few stories from acquaintances of past and present. Before long he reports on how small this world has become since the days of simple times, the ‘good old days, good old boys and girls’ now seemingly long gone. Yet, with his infectious joy and optimism he adds, ‘young lady, there is no time to be selfish, angry, quarrelsome or hurt. People get so caught up in the little things and forget there is an eternal life.’ he says wholeheartedly.
We are here on earth for such a short period of time. There is no knowing when our last breath will be and our comprehension of the hereafter and eternal life is absolutely finite. Yes, we are here hoping to be a blessing wherever we go to whomever we meet each and everyday. I try and it seems on most days fail and on an off chance I manage to succeed.
The motto for life these days is to live each day as though it is your last. Carpe diem and live as though you may die tomorrow. I think some have lost the understanding of this and have interpreted it to mean - do whatever you want, however you want, whenever, and who cares about the consequences. In the middle of making the ‘most of it’ what are our motives, intentions, thoughts, and actions? Is it worth it to ‘just go for it’ and hurt others to make ourselves ‘happy’ or ‘seize the opportunity’ but cause chaos along the way? We become a selfish, boorish, brute bunch carefully hiding fragile vulnerabilities. The daily grind gets to us. It gets to me. I become focused on the routine and then soon feel empty wondering if and how my life is making a difference. How do we retain that simplicity of enjoying everyday life? Or take in a deep breath and feel, really feel that breath of life? How can we grasp and hold onto child like faith? How do we learn to appreciate the uniqueness and beauty in each individual and seize the opportunity or make the most of each encounter to encourage, uplift, and enlighten? Is it easy to put aside our insecurities and prejudices which end up trickling into our actions and behaviors?
I’ve heard courage is not the absence of fear. It seems as though to live to make a difference we have to make a deliberate decision to live courageously despite our fears and insecurities. Even if making the difference is just stepping out into someone’s life ‘holding their hand’ and listening. Living each day of this life as though it is your last is so much more meaningful when purposed with and lived through love. Life becomes excitingly refreshing particularly when learning to live a life of love through God’s eyes of grace.
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans:15:13 [NLT]
“Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.”Joshua 1:9 [MSG]
The golden rays of sunlight peek through the leaves above my
head. I am surrounded by dense foliage and flora. The dark forest green
lightens and brightens and my eyes adjust as light penetrates the dark crevices
of the plant life around me. Aging vines creep and crawl around vast trunks of
trees. In the golden beams I can now see the hidden beauty of the forest. A
multicolored tiny little bird flits from branch to branch chirping a tune that
doesn’t seem so scary in the dim sunlight. There are the pretty blue and violet
petals of a flower now visible amongst the green grass. As I take a
closer look I see the intricate detail of design in the landscape.
I stand on the rocks at the edge of the sea. Nothing but a
vast seemingly never-ending expanse of water as far as my eyes can see. I had
climbed down the somewhat sketchy steps etched into the rock cliff to get
closer to the crashing waves against this rocky ledge. There is something
exciting about venturing out on your own and experiencing the raw beauty of
nature. Just my camera, and me ha! The
sea is literally crashing all around me against these rocks coming in closer and
closer as the tide seems to be rising a lot faster than I thought. Maybe it’s
because there seems to be a storm brewing in the distance. It’s causing me to
lose ground that isn’t slick and slippery and now I re-think the wisdom of
climbing down on to this little area with nothing between this deep blue sea
and myself. Yet, I gaze around in awe, observing the layers and hues of
color in the rocks and the trickles of a little waterfall. In the crevices of
the cliff I see crabs scuttling back into the depths of rock. There is a unique
essence to the life and design of even this little area of cliff and rocks.
You are beautiful. It is a simple sentence yet powerful. Just
like the scene of the sea against the rocks. All one might see from afar is
just that, water on rocks, but a closer look and one would see the power and
force of the waves as it bursts over rocks with a crashing noise. Unnerving,
facing those waves but it awakens you, revives and excites you. Or allowing
your eyes to adjust to the silent piercing rays of golden sunlight that filter
through the dense flora and foliage you can perceive the once hidden treasures.
As young girls or women we need to know we are fearfully and
wonderfully made.
How we have a heavenly Father who knew every detail of our
design. Our frames were not hidden and our forms intricately woven into whom we
are to become. We need a foundation to grow from knowing that in this world
there will always be people judging, critiquing, and informing. Beauty is
finding rest in our maker. Allowing our lives to have a continued joyful hope
in life despite discouragements, failures, or insecurity.
In our rushed, striving culture we sometimes miss out on
true beauty. We get so caught up in beauty being the glitz and glam of our
outward appearance. When beautiful is
what is seen in a smile that encourages, a kind word or a thoughtful gesture of
friendship to someone who once was a stranger.
This year as I remember my father. I am grateful for a
father who cherished his daughters and instilled in me that we are valuable
and beautiful. I am forever grateful despite my insecurities, disappointments,
and discouragements, I can rest in joyful hope and faith in a loving creator.
I
struggle. Sometimes I struggle to understand the why to so many questions.
Sometimes I find it difficult to comprehend the timeline of my life. Sometimes
I feel like a nomad, wandering aimlessly through life, accidently doing
something worthwhile but more often than not just biding my time. Biding my
life away here on this earth, hoping something amazing will happen to me.
That’s where I think the problem lies. I feel like I am hoping, wishing,
thinking with very little doing, hiding behind big words and grand ideas.
I
sit there watching, observing, as his eyes never stray from her face. Those
gray eyes that have seen so many years, her face graced with lines etched in,
reminding him of the many, many years ago when they first met. His eyes old and
dark glisten with tears as he tries to understand what is going on around him.
All he can do is look at her. Sometimes his eyes stray back to the smiling man
in the white coat asking him questions, questions he can’t seem to comprehend.
He looks back at her, his wife, trying to find something, an answer maybe? She
is all he knows, all he can understand right now. She sits there her face calm
and gentle, answering the doctors’ questions, hopeful that maybe things can get
better? The doctor asks how many years they have been together; she answers beaming
with pride, “65 years.” He then asks him. "What’s your name sir?" No response. "Can you tell me what year it is?" He mutters something…maybe something about
1948 or 1945? "Do you know who that is next to you?" His face never turned away
from hers and his answer is quick and confident, “my wife.” She smiles, a sad
smile as tears now glisten in her eyes. She knows all he knows is who she is
but the life they used to live is not the same. Their timeline of life long and
full has proven their love is till death do them part. This graceful, little
lady is determined to care for her ailing husband with Alzheimer’s; hard as it
is as she is older and barely strong or healthy enough to even care for herself.
"Sir,
can you draw this pattern?" He looks at his wife confused, she hands him the pen
and repeats, “draw this.” He looks at her, his eyes dart quickly at the doctor;
reaches for the pen struggling to figure out how to hold it firmly in his hand. He
sits there, already forgotten what was asked. The doctor asks, "draw a circle." Nothing. The smiling doctor, seeing how much they love each other asks, "can you
write, ‘I love my wife’." To our surprise, this old gentleman with his
glistening, aged dark eyes, scrawls in child like penmanship ‘I love my wife.’
His wife beams and reaches for that scrap of paper and holds it like treasure,
a glimpse of what once was.
I
sit there amazed. I observe what love really is. Not a shallow lust portrayed
oh so well in our young society. It’s a journey, a fight not with each other to
prove their love but a fight for each other together to stay in love. It seems
to be a constant fight to forget the wrongs and remember the right. It’s
hopeful but perseveres. It stays together, works together, gives, cares, and
shares together. We throw the word ‘love’ around a lot. The only problem is
that it’s not just being in love, it’s being love in action.
Through
my seemingly aimless wandering in this life, I fortunately come across
reminders of a purpose to be love in action to those who I may accidently meet
on my little journey of life. Purposely serving, giving, sharing, trying to
live a life of love in action. I often fail and sometimes I forget and
selfishly I….but thankfully remember.
It
is a work of art, step by step, brush stroke by brush stroke the bigger picture
slowly but surely comes together.
Though
the vision is not clear and tarries, wait for it.
Crowds of faces bustled around her as she, a stranger in a
foreign land, tried to stumble through finding her way to what was now her new
home. Everything had changed. Everything was new. Why did everything have to be
so different? Even the smells and sights were not what she was accustomed to in
her old country. No one knew her here, she knew no one.
Had she made the right decision, she thought as she stood in the
middle of the crowded market street, colorful stalls of fruits, flowers, and
yards of silky cloth wove around the square. Yes, she could never doubt that
day when she stood at the cross roads a few miles out from Moab but miles away
from Judah. A day when she clung so desperately, grasping, dearly hanging onto
a belief, a hope. Tied to her past yet holding onto a possibility of a future,
she declared to Naomi, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you.
Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my
people and your God my God. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever severely, if
anything but death separates you and me.”* She spoke with such devotion and
desperate hope to her mother-in-law, an old lady who had lost her own husband
and two sons in a foreign land of Moab and now headed back to her home of Judah
with resolute sadness and not much more.
Ruth was a young woman whose past had intertwined her to this
immigrant Jewish family. Now, with her husband, Naomi’s son dead; she had
nothing. Not a nickel to her name. All she had was what made her who she was,
her decision, her desperate hope in a future, and a belief in a new faith to find a
purpose for her seemingly miserable life.
As she set towards her new home, she determined in her heart to
win favor in God’s eyes. Her resolution on this new day led her to happen
across God’s plan and purpose for her life. Her declaration of faith made a way
for God to step into her work in progress and guide her into a new destiny.
It may seem to be a simpleton’s desperate hope, a futile belief
in the unknown, the unseen but one decision made a destiny changing, life
altering, generational impact.
You may be at the crossroads of life, or in the middle of
something completely new, filled with so much change in your life. No matter
what, God knows you are a work in progress and His purpose for you is far more
than you could ever imagine. All it takes is faith to make a monumental life
changing decision as you step forward.It also requires a desperate hope and the humility to cling dearly onto
a belief in Someone greater. His grace is more than enough.
